Come Here You Son of a..... Shut yo' mouf!

I've worked a lot of phone jobs and it probably isn't known to the public, but when you are on hold, in most cases, we can hear you on the other end.  It can be quite funny and also disturbing at times.

Probably the two incidents that I can recall that stick out as funny to me, happened within 6 months from now.  The first was a caller who had a question about their account and when I put them on hold, you could hear the customer yelling at her kids (either that or some other type of interaction was going on that I don't want to know about).   You could hear her yell, "Shut up!  Get on da' bed.  Shut yo' mouf."

When you hear this, its hard to not laugh. 

To make matters worse, I recently took a call from a customer who asked to be transferred to the OB/GYN Department and just as I'm about to transfer her, you hear her say in a loving tone, "Come here, you son of a ________ (make an educated guess and fill it in as you see fit)."  I don't know who she was speaking to, but it did make me laugh.

To the public who make these phone calls, I thank you.  You make my job worthwhile and entertaining.

(This post meets the HIPAA guidelines, as it is generalized and does not disclose patient's personalization.)

Live The Dream

Do you remember back in high school and junior high when they would have career days and you would have doctors, lawyers, firemen, police officers, and so on come in and give a presentation about why their job is so awesome?  I would come home from school and proclaim that when I grew up "I want to be a fireman" or "I want to be Cookie Monster", which in my mind, would be the greatest job ever.  Can you imagine getting paid to eat cookies?

But no where in those presentations do I remember someone from the local cab drivers union coming in and talking about how great their job is.  Well, imagine my surprise when I drove past a cab the other day and it had a sign on it that said, "Now hiring cabbies.  LIVE THE DREAM".

I don't know about you, but when I was a kid, I never once said, "When I grow up, I want to be a cab driver."  Now that may be different if you were a kid growing up in maybe Pakistan, but here in the United States of America, we live in a land of opportunity.

So after reading that sign and letting out a good chuckle.....

I called the number and applied for the job.

Ripped One (No, the title isn't what you think)

I'm starting to believe that Murphy is one of the friends that nobody in the group really likes and that he's constantly hanging around me, pushing his law into my life.

Note to self:  Figure out how to get this Murphy Monkey off my back.

Since Spring has officially started, and the Home Owners Association (which I sarcastically refer to as, the Home Nazi Association) is breathing down my neck to mow the lawn, I decided to drag out the ol' lawnmower and go a few rounds around the house. 

I pushed the primer button 5 times even though 3 is the recommended number, then pressed it 5 more times, just for good measure.  Then, I yanked the starter cord as hard as I could.  Now, anyone who has ever mowed a lawn before can tell you that the first 3 to 5 pulls on the cord are just warm-ups and that the lawnmower never starts during those pulls.  So, I continued to pull and pull and pull and..... Whew!  I was exhausted from pulling that thing over 25 times.  Still nothing. 

I went inside and asked my dad if he would be willing to give it a try, so Dad went outside and yanked it once...  SNAP!!!  The cord broke an inch from the motor.  In essence, this was a pickle jar incident.  I loosened up the jar enough for my dad to open it, but this wasn't a rewarding incident.  As a result, I had to take apart the motor in an effort to try and reattach the cord to the motor.  For over 45 minutes, I could not get the cord to go through the hole necessary in order to reattach the starter cord to the engine. 

I gave up, which isn't like me when it comes to mechanics (just ask my fiance).  So, if anyone wants a lawnmower, I now have one for sale.  I'll sell it to ya for $20 bucks.  You'll just have to get the starter cord replaced.

Wendy's incident

So, the other day I went to Wendy's and next to the ordering screen at the drive-thru, there was a sign that said, "Due to bad weather and a horrible season in Florida, tomatoes will not be used with your order unless requested."

This was a miracle to me! Every time I go to a restaurant, I always have to take the gamble of requesting that tomatoes and onions be withheld from my burger and that the person handling my food doesn't give me a spit-burger.

I was so excited, that night I knelt down and prayed to let the horrible season and bad weather in Florida continue forever so that I can eat my burger in peace, knowing that no one has spit on it.

I know what you're thinking. Its wrong of me to pray for something so frivolous, but in my opinion, its the little things that count the most.